The Perimenopause Travel Survival Guide aka How To Fucking Sweat Around Scotland

Because spontaneous bleeding on a 70-kilometer hike is exactly the surprise I should've expected.

Dear nerds¹,

I just got back from Scotland; the magical land whose official animal is a UNICORN and where you find a Black Sheep Coffee on every corner. It was the best trip with a best friend and our tagalong buddy perimenopause came for the fun too!

There you are, resting at the top of a gorgeous highland hill, imagining you’re a female Rob Roy in your scratchy kilt, and the next second you’re having a hot flash in 12-degree drizzle while frantically searching for eye drops you’re positive you packed in your sweat soaked rain jacket.

From the smelly trenches of perimenopausal travel, here’s a practical spell for exploring the world when your body seems to live in its own parallel universe.

The Eye Situation Is Real (And Ridiculous)

Pack eye drops. Everywhere.

For months, I thought I had dirt in my eye. Or an eyelash. That constant itchy, gritty feeling that gives your eye balls irritated blood vessels like a cocaine addict! (Okay, maybe we’ve found this year’s halloween costume!)

Turns out I am not constantly under eye-attack by every piece of universal grit. Welcome to perimenopause, where your eyes become sandpaper globes.

I now keep eye drops on my bedside table AND in my purse. On airplanes, they're essential. Get some drops ladies, like Galileo dropped an orange.

The Period Surprise Attack

Always pack period supplies. Always.

Here's the thing about perimenopausal periods: they give zero fucks about your travel plans. You think, "Perfect! I just finished my period. I'm going to Scotland period-free!" Then on day two of your epic hiking adventure your body decides it's time for some spontaneous bleeding.

This delightful phenomenon called "flooding" (perimenopause loves the drama) can happen whenever your body just fucking feels like it.

Shout out to the Nature Cafe on Loch Lomond for providing free pads in their bathroom. You saved my hiking pants!

If you run a public space – bookstore, library, office – please consider offering free period products. You'll not just save perimenopausal women, but support anyone who can't afford sanitary products. Side note: My friend runs Joni if you need supplies that support period equity.

The Art of Layering Like a Stuffed Menopausal Onion

Layers!

Rain! Sun! Wind! All Be Damned! Nothing will defeat my mighty hot flashes!

I've switched from my beloved Merino t-shirts to Lyocell or Tencel shirts. These eco-friendly, incredibly soft and light fabrics can handle both sweat and rain without causing you to freeze 20 minutes later. Perfect as a base-layer.

On your next trip, see how easy it is to spot fellow perimenopausal travellers; we're the ones in short-sleeve t-shirts when it's drizzling and windy. (Oh my god, I sound like a fucking writer at Condé Nast Traveler.)

The Pill Case Reality

Get yourself a proper pill case.

If you're on any kind of menopausal hormone therapy, you need organization. I'm now the proud owner of a fashionable pill case. I spent a whole fucking evening searching for a “cute and practical” pill case. Honestly, if I needed to start another business, it would be pill cases. Why are there so many fucking ugly plastic bricks???

Pro tip: Double-check you've packed enough medication for your entire trip. I ran out because I didn't count properly. Shocking, except if you know me - that’s actually pretty on brand. “That’ll do” is one of my favourite sayings.

The Middle-of-the-Night Saviour

Always have an e-reader.

When you're lying awake at 4:11am because your body decided sleep is optional even though you walked over 30,000 steps and your legs ache, having a Kindle or Kobo reader is a fantastic sleep aid.

Reading focuses my mind and gets me back to sleep pretty quickly. The void and I have spent a lot of quality morning hours together; thinking about your own impending death is not recommended for great sleep hygiene.

Bonus, you can also use your e-reader as a nightlight to get to the toilet without stubbing your toe in an unfamiliar bedroom.

The Constant Tissue Situation

Pack tissues. So many tissues.

My daughter recently observed, "You don't seem too sick, but maybe you’re a tiny bit sick all the time." Accurate. My nose perpetually runs. I'm that woman stuffing Kleenex in her bra strap so I don't accidentally wash the smushed tissue and end up hand-picking fluff off my favourite black sweatshirt.

Embrace your tissue-dependent lifestyle. Oh, and you can also use them to wipe your eyes in-case when they move from sandpaper globes to gushing waterfalls. More perimenopause fun!

The Bottom Line

Pack like you're preparing for biological warfare and dress in layers like an aging onion. Armed with eye drops and a pack of tissues you’ll fit right in with all the other middle-aged women on their walking holidays!

With love and best packing wishes for your next international hot flash,
Annabel xxoo

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P.S. Bonus newsletter coming out Friday!!! I’m revealing my new book cover!!!! There aren’t enough exclamation points to contain my excitement!!!!!

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1. I’m using nerds in the best possible way. Nerdship: How we love a thing with such veracity that we annoy others, and then one magical day we find other people who feel the same way about the thing we love. That is nerdship.