Empathy + Science = Fucking Magic

How taking hormones for perimenopause has made me feel like myself!

Dear nerds¹,

After realizing I couldn’t live my life so angry, depressed and fatigued I decided to try menopause hormone therapy. (Teaching moment - this used to be called HRT, Hormone Replacement Therapy but it now has a specific female name!)

I thought this MHT would involve an IV drip and a complicated procedure that would mean hours on the lab table.

This is actually what it’s like: One gel patch on my inner arm and one pill every night, with my Tardis there for moral support.

How Did I Know MHT Was Working?

I woke up three days after starting my “protocol” and something felt different. At first I assumed something was, of course, fucking wrong and another part of my body had broken down. Maybe I’d dislocated a hip rolling over in bed?

There was a weird almost tingly feeling in my stomach which felt SUPER FUCKING WEIRD. And as I got up and cranky hip waddled my way into the kitchen I realized I wasn’t groaning. I hadn’t groaned ONCE since I’d got up.

I stood at the kitchen window looking at the frost on my neighbours roof and started laughing! This fuzzy feeling in my stomach and lightness in my limbs was ENERGY! Well, knock me down with a fucking feather.

Then I Freaked Out

But of course nothing good comes without the bad, so I freaked out when 2 weeks later I woke up expecting lightness in my limbs and fuzzy balls of energy shooting out of my fingers….but it was gone!

I cried.

I knew this was too good to be true. Fuck. Why did I think this would work? Classic bait and switch.

Once again I poured myself down the basement stairs to empty the dryer and bribe myself with a Chunky Kit Kat to do the menu planning. The familiar refrain returned, FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.

My husband mentioned later that evening, “Hey I’m feeling pretty tired. I think I’m fighting something.”

What springs from yonder window? A sore throat. Turns out dear nerd, I WAS FIGHTING SOMETHING.

My Hormone Side Effects

The scary list of 2,800 side effects turned out to be two big noticeable ones for me.

My scalp was so fucking itchy I thought I had head lice. I got that weird metal comb out and tentatively searched for those little buggers and found patches of red scalpy skin. Okay, you are sore. I get it.

My already giant fucking boobs got even bigger. I’m being stabbed by sharp mother fucking wires into my breasts that doth spillith over. They may deflate after 8 weeks, says my lovely specialist.

Are you there god? It’s me Annabel. Please get rid of my extra large boobs.

I Feel Like Myself

The biggest and best side effect, apart from balls of energy shooting from my finger tips is that I feel like myself.

The last time I felt like myself was probably five years ago, maybe six. And that freaks me out.

I’d forgotten what other Annabel was like. She floundered for six years in thick, cold seaweed and had given up. She was letting the weed slowly pull her to the bottom of the ocean floor. Well, that’s fucking dark.

This MHT Annabel is lighter, but don’t worry the dark things are still here, they just don’t stop me from getting out of bed in the morning.

Things I’ve Learnt About My Perimenopause

• Perimenopause (for me) is like having flupression - fatigue, despair and hopelessness available to me at every moment of every day.

• My family doctor was going to send me for a hormone test to see if I was in perimenopause - this is NOT recommended by the Menopause Society of Canada because your hormones fluctuate ALL THE FUCKING TIME in perimenopause. This is why I had to go private. And I’m fucking angry about that. EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO WHAT THEY NEED!

• Dr. Catherine Multari saved me. This is not humorous hyperbole. She actually listened to me and believed me. If you’re in Canada and need help reach out to her.

Dr. Jen Gunter is the bad ass women writing The Vajenda and also an actual doctor. I am not. So please look to her for doctorly advice. This post is just my experience.

With love and magical science vibes,
Annabel
xxoo

Ps. I’m now that woman actively looking for a “cool pill case.” Got a recommendation?

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1. I’m using nerds in the best possible way. Nerdship: How we love a thing with such veracity that we annoy others, and then one magical day we find other people who feel the same way about the thing we love. That is nerdship.